Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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