glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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