I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
