Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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