Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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