I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
