I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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