I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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