she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
