wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
