:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
