please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
