No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
