i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
