Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
