OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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