i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
