Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
