I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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