you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
