ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
