so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
