for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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