Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
