Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
