if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
