Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your dad touched me again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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