Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
