After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
