someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
