just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
