Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
