i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
