if i can run in heels then i can drive
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
