Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
