can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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