She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
