Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
