I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
