hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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