you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
