Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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