Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
