we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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