Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Houston, we have a squirter
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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