I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
well you can't waste a boner
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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