she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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