i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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