I wanna passion pit in your ass
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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