My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
