our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
