dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm like, not good at living.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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