Just cropdusted the office
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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