Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
