At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
