He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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