i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
