clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
