my sisters under your porch take her home
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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