Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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