She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
