ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
