the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
