Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I forget how to act sober
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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