You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
