Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
